I've Moved

I finally have a permanent address.

Here it is: www.imsosure.net

Please come see me, and update your links.

So Much Old

I went to the mall after work yesterday. Well, first I got on the highway and drove in the wrong direction for about ten minutes before realising my mistake. I don't know what tipped me off, perhaps the signs for Richmond. In Virginia. When I live in North Carolina.

So I turned around in a very convoluted way, taking back roads to a completely different highway. I blame exhaustion and hunger. I need to start keeping nutrigrain bars in the car. Or maybe one dangling on a rope from my neck.

I arrived at the mall and ignored the hunger, jumped right into shopping. I hated everything. Nothing fit well, everything was ugly. I began to get mall desperation. It was that desperation that made me attempt an Abercrombie breach, only to be repelled by some sort of bubbleshield put in place for anyone over 18. Someone was looking out for me, that's all I know.

Then I ate and things got rosier. Ann Taylor Loft embraced me with open arms and I put the blinders up to the sweater sets and found some things. I should just skip 29 and dive right into 30 because I've already made contact with the mother ship.

In rebellion, I am wearing low rise cords and a t shirt to work today. With sparkly flip flops that may or may not smell. A messy ponytail and large coffee to go later and I dare you to mistake me for an Abercrombie girl.

And with that, she laughed all the way home.

I'm All Over the Place

I wish I had a group of little singing birds and mice to dress me in the morning. I really do. This whole process is getting much too difficult. How many outfits can you get from 2 pairs of pants, 1 pair of jeans, a skirt and four shirts? i'm not doing the permutations, but I'll tell you, NOT MANY. Looking like the office pauper is getting old.

I know the gates are going to burst and I'm going to go shopping and then watch out. I don't know how I'll be able to control myself. The Plan will be set back a couple of months but maybe I'll be cute and won't mind so much.

I did a lot of work at home this past weekend. I complained about it to my sister who was apparently in one of her tough love moods because she told me to stop being a baby, everyone works from home. Is this true? Most people take work home on a regular basis? How do you relax at all? I don't know, I think it's messed up.

Speaking of messed up, Tom and I drove and walked around town yesterday, looking at houses for sale. Just for fun. Just for fun turned into me becoming crazily excited, throwing everything out the window, screaming yes! we'll stay here! Let's buy a house! One that is much too expensive! And then plunging to the depths when I realized that we are not there yet.

Patience is a virtue, they say. Stupid they.

There is a plastic surgeon on Regis and Kelly who looks like he's wearing a plastic, shiny mask. This to me is not a good endorsement for his practice. I'm just saying.

Come Out, Come Out

I leave the week with a book read and a green knit rectangle the length of my thigh. I think it's the tangibles that are going to get me through in the long run.

I'm thinking of my sister, Laurie, who is and has been home alone all week with four children while her husband is out of town on business. She has an 8 year old, 6 year old, 2 year old, and 3 month old baby. The 8 year old has been home with strep throat all week and the two year old won't eat anything without ketchup all over it. The 3 month old is permattached to her boob and her voice on the other end sounded oh so overwhelmed. And tired. Very, very tired.

And she doesn't even have Internet. Let's all think supportive thoughts.

Alright, I'm off. One more to go. I must have it in me somewhere. It's just hiding right now, that's all.

To Small Successes and Saffron

I had a small success at work yesterday and decided the only responsible thing to do was leave immediately after. I needed a good day.

After I left, I drove to the megagourmet store in the next town over to meet my friend Heather for drinks and appetizers in the adjoining restaurant. As I was early, really early, I decided to wander the aisles and stare at all the pretty food. And it was so pretty. And I remembered that I loved it and how much I missed working at the smaller gourmet store in my own town, how tangible everything was right down to the sample you tasted and the wine you sipped. (I'm pretending customers don't exist and never did because that was a major downside.)

I loved the excitement of getting in something new, trips to the farmers' market where I bought the produce for the store, the colors and sounds, explosions of flowers and birds in the rafters. I loved starting something that morning and finishing it that afternoon, and starting it all over the next day.

It was simple. Hard work, but uncomplicated.

I left my food reverie for drinks with my friend. Time with Heather was just what I needed. I needed to laugh, something which my diet has been sorely lacking. Heather's hilarious and fun. Smoked duck quesidillas and parmesan encrusted scallops are good. That has to happen more. To more!

I left with two presents for Tom: amchur powder and a tiny package of saffron. He was disproportionately happy, which I love.

I've decided to be disproportionately happy, too.

Pretty Needles

Alright, I did it. I bought two size 11 pink knitting needles and a ball of green yarn. Now what?

As an aside, I find it interesting that in times of stress, when work is completely overwhelming me to the point where I'm bringing it home on a regular basis, something that falls well outside the lines of what I think maintains a healthy happy life, that I choose this time to begin hobbies. To begin hobbies, to decide to learn css/html, to take out six library books at a time, to recommit to speedy Netflix consumption, to start running again.

No wonder the clothes I'm in are less then clean and far from ironed.

No wonder.

The Good Things

Wow! That first entry back was light and breezy, showing everyone just how refreshed I am! Just as I intended! Let's turn this around.

Here are some good things I did over the past few weeks:

1. I'm taking a CSS class, online through a local college. It's good. I'm getting it. Sort of.
2. I've gotten to do some website stuff for work, with the promise of more once my Big Bad Thing that I'm working on is over.
3. Took a yoga class in which I learned just how tense, tight, and unflexible I am. Judging by the reaction of my teacher, this is a huge character flaw that I need to work on. It's a wonder that I'm functioning at all. After reading over my last post, she may have a point. This class left me relaxed for all of five minutes and sore for days. With the added bonus of doing none of the poses correctly, most of them backwards! Soreness plus humiliation! Oh my! If I had a therapist, she would know that I hate to do anything wrong in front of anybody and we would discuss why this might be.
4. I had a dream about Fish. We were on a subway in New York and were laughing and talking about tampons. Then I told her she should write more subway stories because I bet there are some funny things happening on that subway. Then she turned into my sister and my camera was stolen and my sister threatened to mangle the girl who stole it and we got it back.
5. I got a library card. First time since I was 7. This time I will not keep all the books and have anxiety over fines that surely must have been thousands of dollars big and kept me away from the library for the rest of my life. This is good on so many levels, but since most of my disposable income (insert hysterical laughter) goes to buying books, I'm hoping for a significant financial improvement (again with the laughter).
6. I hiked in Nepal for 3 weeks and discovered the meaning of life.

Just kidding on that last one. But wouldn't that be cool? I'll do that next sabbatical.